


To See the Dark There Must be Light

by obsessions123



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Dominant Kylo Ren, Dubious Consent, Eventual Smut, F/M, Force-Sensitive Reader, Gratuitous Smut, Gun Violence, How Do I Tag, Minor Character Death, Shameless Smut, Smut, Submissive Reader, Violence, and its at this point i realize i dont know how to tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:14:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27361063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obsessions123/pseuds/obsessions123
Summary: After Kylo Ren gives the order to have her parents killed, he has the reader captured as he senses something within her.  He hopes to train her in the ways of the Dark Side and to finally rule the galaxy, but the reader is almost incapable of going to the Dark Side, despite her submission and willingness to try.
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren & Reader, Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren & You, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Kudos: 9





	To See the Dark There Must be Light

**Author's Note:**

> What????? Not me posting a whole new story when I have two that are still unfinished??? No. You must have me confused with someone else....

The sirens had been going off for maybe a half hour now. You and your parents were huddled together in your small dwelling, lights dim and faulty as large blasts and booms could be heard from right outside the thin walls of your home. Your mother was hugging you and your father had his arms draped around the both of you, the three of you tucked away in a corner. You couldn’t quite tell where your shaking stopped and theirs began, or even if it was the rattling from the explosions, making you question the integrity of the craftsmanship of your home. 

Never would you have thought that your tiny village would catch the eye of the First Order. Never would you have thought that you’d hear the sirens going off, louder than you expected. Never would you have thought that you’d hear a symphony of blaster fire and streaks of bright red light coming from troopers you’d never thought that you’d see, either.

Of course you knew of the First Order, knew of what they have done to the rest of the galaxy, but never would you have thought that they'd make their way here. Foolish, really. You should have known better that in this world, there are no happy endings, if happy just meant unbothered.

“Guys,” your voice cracked, trying to get your parents attention.

“Sssshhhh, darling. It’s alright.” your mother tried to comfort you, of course you both knew it was a lie. You needed to get something out though, sensing the end was near. It was strange really. You suddenly got this overwhelming feeling, a bad one.   
“I have to tell you-”

“Sssshhhh.” your mother said again. The blaring in your head ceased. You could more clearly hear cries of women and children, some shouts from men and then the silence. The sirens had stopped, you realized, making everything much more eerie. You wished they’d power back up, to spare you from those blood chilling screams of agony.

The air was thick, thick with anticipation and smoke; it felt as though the souls you knew that were being separated from their bodies were drifting through the air you were trying to breathe as they hopefully searched for peace. A thought tore through your head, shredding your brain.

“Whatever happens, I need you guys to kno-”

Your father's hand shot over your mouth, stopping you from speaking just as the door to your home was thrown open. In stepped two stormtroopers, their blasters aimed at the three of you. You swallowed hard, your father’s hand stilled over your mouth. In your head you screamed the words you didn’t get to say, hoping somehow that they’d hear you before all three of you were killed.

You felt a rush of fear and adrenaline and you ripped your father’s hand from your mouth.

“Wait please!” you said quickly, fear crazy in your eyes. The troopers hesitated. “You don’t have to kill us.” you had your hands out towards them, still kneeling on the ground with your parents holding you. It was strange for you to be the one protecting them in this moment, but the three of you knew that you were the one most prepared for something like this. 

You were born with exceptional empathy, something that cost you much happiness in your life. You were too sensitive, always wanting more intimacy from a relationship, a friendship, that no one apparently could provide. You didn’t think you had asked for much though, for someone to simply want you around, but apparently your presence was “exhausting” as you had been told before by a particularly bad “friend.” 

You were plagued with a million different perspectives and the knowledge of how to look at something with new eyes everytime you blinked. Nothing was normally ever truly black and white. No one just committed murder just because. No one started the First Order for no reason. Of course that one you knew the reason: to control the whole galaxy, but you knew that from their perspective that they were just trying to help. Of course they were ruining everything and people’s lives but it’s the thought that counts, normally.

However, everyone had always told you that you were the nicest person they knew, always being able to see the good in the worst people. You always gave others the benefit of the doubt and empathized more with them than you cared about yourself. You gave the wrong people too many second chances.

Of course this is a dangerous life to lead, and a sad one, hence your lasting depression. Unfortunately though, it wasn’t under your control. You are who you are, and as much as you wished you could be apathetic, as easy and emotionless as that life would be, it was impossible for you not to empathize and see the good in people. 

“I know,” you continued speaking to the troopers, trying to reason with them. “That you must be scared-”

A man in a mask entered the room, his presence nothing less than utterly demanding. You stopped speaking and looked him up and down. You knew exactly who he was, even under all the depthful black. 

You leaned back into your parents, allowing their arms to wrap tighter around you. All you could think in your head was the word  _ monster _ .

He seemed to be sizing you up, the troopers stood awaiting orders, their blasters still aimed at the three of you. As you thought of a way to get you and your parents out of this, considering a way to reason or empathize with this creature in a mask, he tilted his head to the side, his decision had been made.

“Spare the girl.” the man in black said, his words not registering in your brain. But just like that, the troopers fired, killing both your parents, and leaving you under the pile of their death. 

Air failed to satiate you. You hyperventilated from beneath them, keeping your voice from adding to the cacophony of screams you still heard from outside. In that moment, all you could focus on was freeing yourself, untangling your limbs from their limp ones. Your brain had short circuited, only being able to say the word “No.” over and over and over. Their bodies were heavy on top of you, claustrophobia setting in as you continued to struggle. Short gasps and terrified breaths came too quickly, blurring your sight as you blindly lifted your mother’s body from off of you, freeing yourself.

Your blood was ice as it pumped through your veins.

The second cooler air hit your face, you looked up. You looked up to the man in all black, the troopers still in the room, their blasters aimed at you now. You stared at him only, not thinking to look to the blasters that were about to end your life. If this were to be your last act, you’d do it in defiance. You refused to show him your fear of dying. With your parents lifeless next to you, you felt as though you hadn’t anything else to fight for, perhaps you’d welcome it now. Your staring contest not one of defiance, but one of audacity. 

And still all you thought as you looked at him:

_ Monster. _

To your surprise, the troopers turned and left your house. Soon, the man in black turned to leave too. The moment he was out of your sight three troopers came marching in. You squeezed your eyes shut, hoping death was immediate and painless, but to your surprise, it never came. Instead you were swept up from the floor, the troopers easily lifting you, carrying you farther away from the heap of your dead parents. Realizing what was happening you began to kick and flail, desperately trying to get back to your parents, to be able to bury them and lay them to rest...at least. 

“No please!” you screamed in agony. Grasping the fact that they were taking you away and you’d never see them again, you screamed out the words that you had been trying to tell them this entire time. Words that you now feel you hadn’t said enough when they could hear you. All those defiant nights of refusing to clean up after supper. All those times when you didn’t want your parents kissing you on the head when they dropped you off at middle academy. All those moments you now realized were going to haunt you for the rest of your miserable days, exploded in the form of sobs and wails as you screamed.

****

Eventually, you had to stop fighting. You’d like to think it was because you wanted to “save your strength” but no, you had used it all already trying to get away. You were no fighter, you weren’t even a survivor. The only reason you were alive is because you realized the masked figure, whom you knew to be Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, had willed it so, commanding his troops to “Spare the girl.” You just hadn’t heard him in your adrenaline fueled, terrified state.

As you had stared into the pseudo-face of Kylo Ren you wondered though, if even you could empathize with him, if even you could find the good. You scowled thinking this, there could be no good, no empathizing with the man who gave the order to have your parents murdered.

The three troopers put you on a ship. It was cold and dark. The coldness of the ship was the empty and vast kind, like when one walks outside at night in the middle of cold season and the wind takes one’s breath away. It wasn’t quite bone chilling on the ship, but you felt that eerie feeling those cold nights provided you with.

You were exhausted from shivering so much for so long and your mind was mush after watching your parents murdered on top of you. You could barely process what was happening, only able to keep going with slight lapses of awareness. You assumed you were in shock, and rightfully so.

You heard bounding footsteps and lazily turned your head to see Kylo Ren coming into the ship. More troopers followed him, they were wearing black armor instead of white. A few of them broke off, walking into other parts of the ship while a few of them kept moving forward, towards the controls. 

The ship began to whir to life. As lights turned on and you looked around to see more of your surroundings being revealed to you, you found that Kylo Ren was sitting in the seat right next to you on your left. You didn’t even feel scared, it's like you were drunk on exhaustion and trauma. His helmet was directed towards you, through your haze you knew he was looking at you. You could almost see his amber eyes with your involuntarily quiet mind. Your eyes narrowed slightly at this random glimpse and you felt a flicker of something. His head jerked back slightly, but your muddied mind couldn’t focus on him much longer. Your attention turned toward the front controls as you felt the ship beginning to move, lifting from the surface.

Your head felt heavy, as if it was replaced with a sack of sand, your neck no longer being able to hold it up. You leaned back in the chair and turned to Kylo Ren once more. He was still looking at you. You felt something sharp prodding the edges of your brain, clearing your mind. It felt as though the crust from your mind was carefully being picked away by a tool, allowing your conscious-self to be in control once again. It was as if you were sobering up. 

You felt as your dumb gaze turned into one of pure fear as you stared into his helmet, the meaning of who he was reaching the surface of your mind. The fear awakened you, making you jerk back in your seat and away from him. You couldn’t go far, you were strapped in. That tool clearing your mind ripped itself away, and you watched his shoulders rising and falling with his breath. You were worried he was angry, or excited as he thought of ways to torture and kill you. His head jerked back once more, a motion that could only be paired with a look of offense. You wished you would just die. You wished he would just get it over with, the promise of torture being the only explanaition for your capture. You wished he would just kill you already. Just as soon as you thought this, your mind went blank, waves of unconsciousness rolled over you with a flick of his hand being the last thing you registered before you were fully out.

****

The ship jostling violently was what awoke you. You felt better now that you were awake, fogged memories of the moments just before you passed out made you realize just how much agony you were in, you were almost grateful for passing out. It was as if your unconscious pitied you and out of mercy took you under its wing to shield you from the horrors of what was/is going on.

The ship was bustling now. Troopers were moving about, going through protocols that looked ingrained in their movements. You realized, once you felt the ship lurch and then become motionless, that you had landed. You looked towards the front of the ship, seeing through the glass that you were in a hangar. Your mouth went agape but movement from your left caught your attention. You watched as Kylo Ren stood and walked out the open hatch of the ship.

He had a certain way of walking, as if he was trying to take up as much space as possible. His long legs not only provided for large steps, but they also seemed to be wider if that were possible. Why would just an overbearing creature wear all black then? Why would he not want to be seen if that’s the way he walked? It was as though he was trying to hide his large body behind all that black. You wondered then if that were true. The poor guy. What could he be hiding from?

You shook your head again, refusing to feel any sort of sympathy towards that monster. You forced your face into a scowl as you continued to watch him. He was talking to a man now.

The man had pale skin and red hair, and nodded as Ren spoke. Suddenly, as if sensing your eyes on him, he turned to look at you, a smirk on his face as he looked you up and down. A look of what you were sure was horror flashed across your face before he turned back to Ren and nodded.

Two troopers stepped into your field of vision, blocking you from watching Ren’s enormous figure leaving, his cloak floating behind him as he moved quickly. The troopers freed you from the restraints of the chair and motioned for you to stand. Slowly and cautiously you moved to do so, surprised that you felt so solid on the floor. A surge of confidence swept through you, and the slightest idea flickered in your mind. You imagined knocking both of these troopers out, locking yourself in the ship and flying to freedom. But, just as soon as the thought floated in your mind, it left with the sight of one of the troopers holding up binders. You looked down at them and swallowed. Of course you never would have been successful if you were to try that, you weren’t exactly the pinnacle of strength or even in any shape to fight right now. 

You looked to the helmet of the trooper, pleading with your eyes to let you go and help you escape, but you had no such luck. The other trooper, tired of waiting, used his blaster to ram into your right shoulder, knocking you back into your seat. Stunned, you looked up at them. The one with the binders had secured them tightly around your wrists and the one with the high temper grabbed you by the same shoulder he had crushed and threw you from the chair and onto the ground. Your head smack on the floor dizzying you and your shoulder exploded in pain. Tears stung your eyes, but not from the physical pain of your body being beaten and thrown around but by the emotional exhaustion you felt. 

As you noticed one of the troopers, you couldn’t tell who was who now that you had hit your head on the floor, your vision blurring with pain and the tears coming towards you, you shot up.

“Hey!” you cried, a pathetic little sound. “Why are you doing this? I’ll do as you ask. Just please...” you said breathless. Nothing happened for a moment and hope bubbled in your chest as you watched the two of them exchange a look, but it was literally kicked out of you as one of the troopers threw his foot into your sternum. Sputtering and trying to block him from doing it again, in your weakened state, it was no use. 

Both the troopers were now kicking the shit out of you. Moans and groans flew through your lips and you cried out in agony as one particularly well positioned kick cracked a rib. You sputtered, tasting copper on your tongue, drool and blood spilled from your mouth. It felt thick rolling over your lips, sticking and smearing to your chin.

Your chest felt tight; you were wheezing now instead of breathing. Your right side was obliterated, between what you were worried to be a dislocated shoulder and cracked rib, you were thankful that at least your dominant left side was virtually okay.

“Why?” you managed to gasp. This stopped them so they could listen. “Why?” you asked again, your voice hoarse, tearing apart your throat as it vibrated to make the sound. “My parents were murdered. Why-” 

“Pray you don’t join them.” one of them said. You thought in the back of your mind that they must have been ordered to rough you up. You wanted to believe that no one would do what they were doing to you just out of the pleasure of watching you pummeled. 

You tried to think that way of the troopers who killed your parents, however long ago that was. You had no idea how long you had been out on the ship, it could have been minutes or hours. You didn’t want to blame the troopers, you couldn’t, it was against your nature. You couldn’t help but see things from their point of view too. You knew that storm troopers were “programmed from birth.” you didn’t know how they acquired actual people, but surely no one willingly surrendered themselves to be one. But then again, how would you know? You had never been in their position, in their shoes. Never have you been expected to kill someone much less ordered by the Supreme Leader. You knew they were just protecting their own lives, and as much as you’d love to think that if it were either you getting killed or you killing some random person, that you sacrifice your own life for theirs. You’d like to think that anyway. Realistically you would never do that, and you were sure it would be in vain as someone else would come along and kill them anyway.

But how could these two troopers be doing this? You hadn’t heard an order from anyone. Perhaps it's just protocol, just like they went through when landing the ship. Perhaps part of their duty is to torture the captured. 

You cursed yourself. Why must you see everything from so many damn perspectives. Why couldn’t you just live your own life instead of going around and seeing it through other people’s eyes. Why couldn’t there just be bad people in the world? Alas, the answer to that question always is: there never are. There is always a reason why someone does bad things. A bully is insecure and deflects on someone weaker. A criminal likely steals to provide for their family. A storm trooper follows protocol or risks being killed themselves. 

You looked towards the ground. A puddle of your spit and blood lay beneath your mouth and tears stung your eyes. You felt them slip down your cheeks, grounding you in the moment.

“Hey!” a loud, booming, unmistakably enraged voice echoed. The troopers turned around terrified. They saluted to the voice, to a person you could not find the strength to turn to and see. You heard powerful, confident footsteps bounding closer to you and you cried out in pain when you felt someone lift you up off the floor and hold you in their arms. Damn, they were massive. They were dressed in black, you knew who it was but your body was in such shock now, again, hardly anything registered. 

He marched you out of the ship and into the hangar where you saw hundreds of other troopers. Fear took hold of your body as your brain conjured the image of the storm troopers, all of them, beating you to death. As much as you wanted to die, you didn’t want it to happen like that, fearing that if you died in such a way then that is how you’d spend the rest of eternity feeling, like this. What if they all had orders to torture you?

One of Ren’s arms reached up towards the two troopers and both of them lifted off the ground, reaching for their throats. The sound of them sputtering and gasping for air was the only thing sound vibrating off the walls in the vastness of the hangar.

You could feel Kylo shaking with what must have been anger. You were slightly confused as to why he was killing them and not you, and more so why he was holding you. A word echoed in your mind. The word felt like a strange intrusion, like it wasn’t even your own consciousness saying it. It felt as though it was someone else’s, someone very angry.

_ Lesson. _

Once the loud thumps of their lifeless bodies hitting the floor echoed off the walls, he carried you away. You leaned your head against his body, keeping it from bobbing and risking further injury as he moved quickly. He used his free hand to hold it there against him, as if shielding you. Your body felt cold, you began to shiver violently, you were going in to shock. Your broken rib concerned you, you worried that the reason it became such a chore to breathe is because it punctured a lung. The dislocated shoulder hurt like hell of course, but you couldn’t die from that. Even though you no longer wanted to be alive, some part of you will always fear and fight against death. You fought to stay awake, knowing how dangerous it would be if you were to pass out again as you worried about a concussion from your head hitting the floor. 

“Keep your eyes open.” Kylo’s voice said. And you tried. You really did. You wanted to take heed of the cold and apathetic order he gave you, but you imagined your internal bleeding and lack of oxygen had more authority than even the Supreme Leader. You heard him growl. A loud mechanical sound through his helmet and he turned another corner in the maze of the ship until finally you heard the sound of a door opening and felt as he placed you on a cot.

You coughed, blood flying through the air and coating your lips in a coagulated heap. You turned your head and spit the excess blood from your mouth onto the floor. A hand was placed on your injured shoulder, a large and leather bound hand, gently pushing you back to lay flat. Your eyes fluttered closed even as you fought to keep them open. In one quick motion he popped your shoulder back into place. For a second the pain was absolutely blinding, a scream being ripped from your throat, but then you whimpered, a dull pain replacing the unbearable. An act of mercy.

You laid there for a moment, humming at the delightful feeling of some relief. You tried to even your breathing to keep from going further into shock, and you felt yourself beginning to drift. You couldn’t bring yourself to open your eyes. Your eyelids had grown heavy, and you were no fighter, you had no strength.

The sounds around you began to fade as you felt yourself falling into a large black void. Your breathing became shallow, but you couldn’t bring yourself to deepen your breaths and bring more oxygen to your brain. That required too much work and the world began to feel as if the space around you was molasses, too thick to move in. 

“I said keep your eyes open,” a quiet but incredibly deep and alluring voice said. A burst of energy plowed through you giving you just enough strength to breathe a little deeper. You peeled your eyes open and looked up.

Nurses rushed over to you and began to evaluate you. They poked you with all sorts of things, touched you in places that should have made you wince in pain. The thing was though, you could hardly focus on what the nurses were doing, because all you could do was look into the eyes of Kylo Ren.

He was the one person that your abilities couldn’t reason with. He was the one person who you wouldn’t give your sympathy to, you couldn’t. While you could justify why those storm troopers killed your parents all day long with a million different reasons, you could not see the justification in the reasoning behind the order given by this, this…  _ monster _ .

You spat the word in your head as you glared at him. Looking into his eyes now did nothing to help his case. You began to feel angry. Heat bubbled in your stomach as your body began to shake again, rage fueling you. You clenched your fists, wanting to punch him, the feeling rising and peaking in your soul, but like a fleeting shadow, the feeling vanished. Like a flame without oxygen, the spark of your rage was diminished. Smoke left in the form of an exhale expelled from your lungs. There was nothing in your body capable of nursing such a feeling towards someone. 

You wanted to be angry at him. You wanted to hate him. You replayed the words in your head, “Spare the girl.” over and over to relive that horrific moment of you parents taking their last breath at his order, hoping to ignite that hate and rage and anger once more. Hoping that somehow if you were mad enough, if you were angry enough, you could harness enough strength to kill him, to release the galaxy from his tight leather clad grip and free everyone from his horror. Tears welled in your eyes as you stared at him, your body shaking, your face turning red as you strained. You could end this. You were  _ weak _ . Why did the universe put you here? Why is the universe mocking you? A scream tore through your throat. A wail of pain, utter pain shot out of your mouth.

“I hate you!” you screamed, at no one but yourself.

**Author's Note:**

> so. i have been wanting to write a kylo story for a long long time. what took me so long is the fact that there are so many quality kylo ren/reader stories that exist and i felt that any attempt i would make wouldn't even come close to comparing. after reading kassanovella's "Little Bird" however i became deeply inspired. if you haven't read her fic, please do, its one of the best on this entire site. i know my work will not come near the level that that work is, it still made me want to take a crack at writing such a complex and wonderful character. with that said, i am going to try and have fun with writing this. of course i care about the plot and want it to be good, but i want to enjoy writing this story and not stress over making every single little detail perfect. regardless, i hope you enjoyed this first chapter and look forward to updates soon. much love xxxx


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